So the other night I stayed with the guy I’m dating. It was roughly 3:25 a.m. when I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I tossed and turned for a while and then realized I had to pee….bad. I go into the bathroom and find a note on the toilet from his roommate. Being the nosey bitch that I am, I read said note. Basically, his roommate was upset with him for calling him a bitch and decided to take all of the toilet paper out of the bathroom. So here I am at like 430 in the morning scrounging around for something to wipe with and cussing under my breath. Luckily, I found some paper towels. Yesterday I text guy and asked him if they had worked things out. He said yes, that roomie was upset about other things too and kinda took it out on him, blah blah blah. Also, roomie is a chef and guy made us salmon cakes making sure to save one for roomie. Apparently guy left vertebrate in the salmon cakes. I didn’t notice any fish bones nor did guy. We decided this was karma, premeditated. He got fish bones in his salmon cake because he was planning to steal all the toilet paper. Guy asked me what I thought Palahniuk or Vonnegut would say about the situation.
I replied: Palahniuk would say he took away our ability to wipe our asses and therefore got fish bones in his food.
Vonnegut would be a bit more eloquent. Something about the bones being from the future and the tp being a sort of vessel.
I cracked myself up as well as guy. If you do not find humor in this, you can kindly f off. In the words of Bon Jovi, have a nice day.