Thursday, August 27, 2009

1 new friend request: An old fling

A guy that I had a sort of fling with when I was in high school found me on facebook yesterday. It got me to thinking. There was a time in our society that once you lost contact with these people, that was pretty much it. The only way you could get back in touch with them would be through snail mail, if they or you happened to have an address or could find them in the phone book, or perhaps somehow got your phone number through someone. That takes quite a bit of effort so it seems that even though you may think of someone from your past, would you really want to go through all that just to get in touch with them? Most likely not. Now a days all you have to do is create a facebook or myspace profile and do a name search. Pretty much everyone is online.

The point I am trying to get to here (there is one, I promise) is how does one or more of these people from your past friend requesting you on one of these sites effect a current relationship? My boyfriend and I have declared our doors completely wide open as far as communication is concerned. Now more than ever open communication between partners is one of the MOST important aspects to keep a relationship strong and healthy. I don't keep anything from him and vice versa. I had a split second thought yesterday when I saw a comment from the guy I mentioned at the beginning of this blog to just delete it. Whoosh. Gone. Didn't happen. That's what the old Jesslyn would have done. Hidden it. I was scandelous back then. Times have changed and they have changed greatly! And granted all the guy said was: jesslyn I would love to see or talk to you. I knew I would have to explain this to my boyfriend. If some girl had left a comment on his page, I know I'd be asking questions. I decided the right course of action was to comment on the comment and let him know I am involved and happy. Then at dinner last night, I told the bf about the comment and who the guy is. Now, if this was like 1989 and not 2009, that guy would have been history. No need to even tell the current boyfriend about this guy because I hadn't spoken to him since I was like 17. I currenly have a few exes on my friends list because, yeah, there's no hard feelings and I'd still like to be friends (and only friends. there's a reason they're exes). My boyfriend understands that and trusts me. He even thanked me last night for being open and honest and letting him know. It's just really strange to me when I think about the fact that these people would otherwise be completely out of your life. And here they are, poppin up on a friend request, leaving comments that you need to explain to your current partner. I know I have to contain my jealousy knowing that my boyfriend is in contact with some of his exes/flings. In these instances, I come to realize that we are both happily, crazily in love with each other and none of these people from our pasts can or will take that away from us. However, how strange is it to have to explain who these people are to your otter (yes I meant to say otter) half once they have left a comment like that? Technology is neat and makes things easier, but it can also make things more complicated. It's a catch 22 for sure.

Monday, August 17, 2009

An open letter to myself (Shout out to Melissa)

Dearest J Squared,

Ever since going off your antidepressants you have been freaking out in numerous ways. You had extreme anxiety with simple tasks such as calling to make doctor appointments or to get your tires rotated. Luckily, it turned out similarily like your fear of talking into the box at drive thrus when you were in high school. You told yourself how ridiculous it was and eventually just did it. Now you seem to be freaking out about not being cool enough, not being as far in life as some 27 year olds are, not being pretty enough, etc etc etc. Lets bring in ole Stuart Smally cos you're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you! Scratch that, people effing love you! So please stop comparing yourself to other women. You are not like other women. Frankly, you are more badass than most women. You are compassionate, thoughtful, beautiful, you are intelligent, you have accomplished great things thus far, you are witty, silly, you enjoy life and know how to have fun. Yes, your anxiety holds you back, but you know you can fight through these ridiculous things and be a better person. You don't need your boyfriend's friends to tell him you are beautiful because he thinks you are beautiful and you should know that it's true. You don't need anyone's approval but your own. You don't have to be so scared of living. This doesn't happen all the time, but on the rare occasion you are in fact scared to death of being an adult and you know what, that's okay. You need to find confidence in yourself and know you can do anything that you put your mind to. Just like Melissa said, there is always room for improvement, but know that the base you have to work with is incredible!



**Thanks Melissa for writing a letter to yourself because I needed this***

Friday, August 14, 2009

Lucid Dreaming

Dreams. What are they? An escape from reality or reality itself? Waking Life follows the dream(s) of one man and his attempt to find and discern the absolute difference between waking life and the dreamworld. While trying to figure out a way to wake up, he runs into many people on his way; some of which offer one sentence asides on life, others delving deeply into existential questions and life's mysteries. We become the main character. It becomes our dream and our questions being asked and answered. Can we control our dreams? What are they telling us about life? About death? About ourselves and where we come from and where we are going? The film does not answer all these for us. Instead, it inspires us to ask the questions and find the answers ourselves. Written by

I rewatched this the other day with Jamie. He had never seen it. I had forgotten about my curiosity concerning lucid dreaming. The only fear I have about trying lucid dreaming is getting confused on whether you are awake or dreaming. BUT there is a way to test this. A friend of mine on facebook (he taught school with my mom so we haven't actually met) posted a note recently on the steps to lucid dreaming. I really want to try this.

First, lucid dreaming is an unusual dream-state where you know that you are dreaming, and can then try to exert some measure of control or influence over what you dream.

Step one, if you want to lucid dream, is simply to do something to increase the number of dreams you remember. This is simple: keep a dream journal, right next to your bed -- a simple notebook, with pen or pencil ready. The moment you wake up, write down every detail you can remember about what you were dreaming (lucidly or not) right before waking -- before the dream fades from your memory, as they often do quickly. Just this step alone will make you more aware of your dreams, and therefore make it more likely that you will lucid-dream.

Step two is to take a permanent marker, and write a small "c" on one hand. This "c" stands for a Check of Consciousness. Every time, during the day (which will probably be a dozen times or so) that you notice this "c," stop whatever you're doing, and check -- really, seriously check -- to see if you can figure out whether you are awake or asleep. You can check this by thinking about the events of the last 15 minutes ago, and seeing if they flowed naturally from one event to the next, or were disjointed and random, as dreams often are. An even simpler way to check is to see if the laws of physics work normally, for they often do not in dreams. I do this by simply jumping up into the air. If I fall straight back down, well, I know gravity is working normally, and assume I am awake. I know from experience that gravity often does NOT typically work normally in my dreams, so, if I flutter downward like a leaf or a sheet of paper when I try this, then I know I'm dreaming.

Now, if you do this check a dozen times or so, for 5-7 days (sometimes less), you'll get in such a habit of doing it that you'll continue the habit right into your dream-time -- in other words, you'll perform the check while dreaming, just because you've been doing it so much. If your checks are thorough enough, you're then more likely than not at that point to figure out that you are, in fact, asleep and dreaming. At that point, have fun -- what you choose to dream about is completely up to you!

To be in control of your dreams! How awesome is that?! I highly recommend Waking Life if only to get your mind churning about the possibilites of the mind itself.